2008-04-18 - 3:10 p.m.
EXCITING BABY NEWS II
Why, hello there! I am under the impression that the regular readers of this blog... both of them... are already aware of this news. However, I suppose there could be people reading that I don't know about. Stealth readers. Covert readers. Sneaky readers.
So with them in mind, let me drop this mess straight in your laps. I... yes, me, Jake... am going to be...
...
....
.....
......
Waaaaaaaaaaait for it...
......
.....
....
...
A DAD.
OMG.
Yes, that's right. It's true, it's true! My sweetums is... how you say... ah yes... preggers. Preggo. In a family way. Expecting. Knocked up. She's on stork watch. She's wearing her apron high. She's... well, you get the picture.
What you may NOT know, however... what you might NOT be aware of... is THIS shocking bit of news. There is not just one "bun" in the "oven", oh no. There are, in fact, TWO BUNS. And by buns I'm talking about babies, just so we're on the same page. Two of them! Two babies!
AKA TWINS.
But you probably already knew that, too. 'Cause it's been like 2 months since we found that out. I've been meaning to update this sooner, really I have, but I've just been so busy. But I'll elaborate further on that in a moment.
First I want to hit you with some news you DON'T already know. Yeah, that's right. Get ready for this big scoop right in your grill. Two well-placed sources on the inside of the matter have indicated to me, vis a vie an ultrasound scan of their private parts, that the two babies I've been referring to thus far in this post... are both...
GIRLS.
Yes, indeed. Two girls! I can hardly wait to start interrogating and intimidating their boyfriends. Charity was convinced it would be two girls from the moment she found out we were having twins, although I kept an open mind about it. I've been surrounded by estrogen my entire life, though, so I'm not sure why I thought there might be a chance of that all changing now.
At first we thought we might wait until the birth to find out the sex of the baby. But once we found out about the twins, we figured it'd be better to know beforehand. I like knowing because now I can say "the girls" instead of "the babies" or whatever. Actually, I can say MY girls. 'Cause they're mine. At least Charity's pretty sure they are.
We're told that there are two placentas in addition to the two babies, and usually that means that the babies formed from separate eggs. There are also two fluid sacs or something. This would make the girls fraternal twins as opposed to identical twins, which split from the same egg. At least I think, I'm not really sure how that all works. But the placenta and fluid sac thing isn't exact, I guess, so we may not know for sure until later about that whole fraternal/identical issue. If they look alike when they're 30, then I guess they're identical.
Anyway, Charity is totally pregnant. I got it done, son. At the moment she's about 20 weeks along, I do believe. I don't want to gross anyone out with all this scientific talk, but this whole time in my life I was under the impression that a woman got pregnant when she had sexual intercourse and sperm from the male swam through her womb and uterus and all those places until it got to her eggs. And when the sperm and eggs shook hands, booyaka booyaka, you've got a baby. Pretty simple, right?
Apparently, though, when you're figuring out how long a woman's been pregnant, you start counting from the last period she had. So in Charity's case, it seems she was already two weeks pregnant prior to any of this business with the sperm and the eggs. So what purpose do the sexual relations actually serve? I don't even know. I thought it was to make babies, but if that's not how it works, then what's the point? I've got other things to do with my time, I don't need to be mixed up in all this intercourse nonsense.
You know, I just realized something. If you were to use the time frame I just gave you and count backwards, you'd notice that 20 weeks ago would be in mid-December. That would be the aforementioned last period. And then if you added two weeks to that, you might notice that you're awfully close to a certain major holiday near the end of December there.
And then you might recall that in my last blog update I mentioned what Charity and I were doing on that major holiday. But at no point, however, did I mention making any babies. And you might be thinking "Hey Jake, what's the deal?!?"
Well, yes, it's true, I did leave out that particular part of the story. I could include such details in the future, but I don't think anyone really wants to hear about that. If you notice, though, I did refer to "cuddling and snuggling". And having had this Purple Diary for 4 years now, I think it's time I was honest with you: anytime I use words like that, they're pretty much a euphemism for doing the ol' baby dance.
I hope this knowledge hasn't ruined some image you may have had of me where I was a guy who likes to cuddle and snuggle. 'Cause I am that guy! I do like that!
I just thought it was interesting that I wrote about that night in my last post, and it turns out that (we think) that very same night led to Charity being in her current condition. We don't know for sure it was that night, 'cause, you know, it could have been the day before or the day after or two days before or whatever. But we think it was that night.
Incidentally, I didn't know she was pregnant when I wrote that last entry. I didn't find out for a couple weeks after. That was a story all in itself, which would have made for a fine blog update if I'd had the time to write it. Spoiler: it involved a MOUSE.
Speaking of which, I should go ahead and wrap this post up before I get interrupted and forget to finish it. I'll return soon and continue this discussion, with that tale I mentioned... or is it TAIL, haha, get it? A tail like on a mouse, you know? I'll also talk more about all this crazy pregnancy business. And the growing bellys and enormous boobies and crazy food cravings that have been going on around here. Oh, it's a scene, man.
BE BACK SOON
