2006-02-13 - 11:58 p.m.
HAPPY 2006
Why, hello! I was just reading my last update, which, as you may or may not recall, dealt with the subject of Christmas. And I thought that might be a good place to pick up at. I'd sure hate to leave you hanging on all those exciting holiday details. WHEE what fun!
As I went over last time, my mother insisted that I give her a list of what I wanted for Christmas, instead of just giving me the money to buy those things myself. Here's the thing about my mom. She has this annoying habit of buying me things that she thinks I should have, as opposed to things that I actually want or need. It's gone on my entire life. I was actually going to talk about that in my last update, but I didn't, probably because I didn't want to sound all cynical at Christmas time. I didn't want to go on about my mom's stupid gift-giving habits, only to have it turn out fine and make me look like a complainer.
But my instincts were keen. I did get a few of the things on my Christmas list, but the rest were all things that I don't want, don't need, and never asked for.
Case in point: a bathrobe and slippers. This is not the first time my mom has bought me a bathrobe and slippers for Christmas. I don't want to make it sound like those are bad presents, as they aren't, all things considered. They aren't nearly as bad as tube socks or a tie or a lump of coal. But I have no use for a bathrobe. I never wear slippers. I never wore the last bathrobe and slippers she got me, and I'll probably never wear these.
"Why?", you ask. Well, I'll tell you. Bathrobes are often associated with being lazy. Like, maybe on a Sunday, you get up, you put on your bathrobe, and you lounge around all day watching football. I think I'm actually TOO lazy for a bathrobe. See, if I put on a bathrobe and followed that scenario of lounging and TV watching, at some point in the day I would have to go back upstairs and get dressed. The way I see it, it's easier to just get dressed before I come downstairs in the morning. Plus, for my money, an old t-shirt and some sweats is just as comfortable for a lazy day on the couch.
It's not that I'm anti-bathrobe. I'm quite pro-robe. When I was little, I used to have one that was like a security blanket. I snuggled with it in bed and carried it around with me. I loved it. And Charity has one that she wears and it's purple and cuddly and nice. I got it from Victoria's Secret for Valentine's Day one year, oddly enough, since tomorrow is VDay. But she wears her robe at night, you see. She usually takes a shower about an hour before she goes to bed, and then she'll spend the rest of the night rubbing lotion all over, or painting her toenails, or washing her face, or whatever girlie stuff it is that she does. And she wears her robe. Then, when it's time to sleep, she takes it off and gets in bed. There's no point getting dressed after her shower when she's just going to sleep shortly thereafter.
But I don't do that either because I take my showers in the morning, and then, as we've established, I get dressed before going downstairs. Showering in the morning is the only way my hair will look normal. When I had short hair I would shower at night, then I could just get my hair a little wet in the morning, comb it, and I was good to go. But my trademark locks have to be wetted and washed each morning or I'm just not Jake. And if I took a shower at night and went to bed with a damp head, the results would not be pretty. I've done it once or twice, it's frightening.
There is just no situation where I'd have any use for a bathrobe. You might being saying "Jake! Ah-ha! What IF... you had people staying at the house, and you were taking a shower, and you needed to get from the bathroom to the bedroom where your clothes are? Wouldn't a bathrobe be nice?" And I'd say... good one. BUT... the master bathroom, where I shower, is only accessible through my and Charity's bedroom. Thus, even if the house was full of people, total strangers, and I walked out of the bathroom completely naked, with not even with a towel around me, nobody would ever see me.
So to sum up, I have no use for a bathrobe in the morning. I have no use for one at night. Ergo, I have no use for a bathrobe whatsoever. But this hasn't stopped my mom from buying me two different robes as Christmas presents. And as far as slippers go, I don't wear anything on my feet around the house, except socks. If it were socially acceptable to wear slippers in public instead of shoes, then I'd be all over it. I'd be king of the slippers. But as it stands today, I have no use for them, either.
She also got me a pair of gloves for Christmas. In my last update, I actually talked about gloves and how I had a furry pair that keeps my hands really warm. I don't need gloves. I have a pair. And you know where I got that pair? From my mom, for Christmas, I believe during my freshman year of college. She's clearly a sick woman.
On the bright side, we didn't get any of those odd baby-hinting presents this year. Hopefully, my plan of explaining that we don't have good health insurance at the moment, and that's kind of an important thing to have if there's going to be an expecting mother and a newborn baby, actually sunk in with some people.
Although... we did get a pretty strange present from one of Charity's relatives. Are you ready for this? Are you sure? Okay. We got nose hair trimmers. Yes, I said nose hair trimmers. No explanation, no reasoning, just the trimmers. Maybe that was a hint. Maybe her aunt thinks one of us has a nose hair problem and that it's a turn-off for the other person and that's why no babies are gettin' made. But Charity insists that I don't have a problem in that area, and she certainly doesn't, so why we got that as a present remains a mystery.
Then, shortly after Christmas, I kinda got a present of a different sort: an unexpected job offer. I'm pretty sure I've talked about my job in updates past, but just to recap, I currently ply my trade in the sports-radio field. Now you might remember, though you probably don't, that just before I was to start working after returning from my honeymoon, new ownership took over and they started a hiring freeze. Well, I eventually started working, but I'm still caught in some weird limbo where I'm not a "full employee". Which means that, basically, for the time being, I get paid but I don't get any benefits. Which sucks, but it's a great job and I like all the people, and it'll be corrected soon enough.
But all of a sudden, right after the holidays, I get this offer right out of the blue from a newspaper. And they want me to come in and work in the sports department, and also help them get stuff going on the internet, like live sports coverage on their web site. And I would write stories, and I'd have an actual sports column in a newspaper, and I'd get benefits. The pay at the newspaper is actually less, but the benefits are superb.
I was quite surprised at this. Why they wanted to lure me, of all people, to the paper remains unknown. I actually had a friend that used to work at that paper, but he was a graphic designer, and had nothing to do with sports, and nothing to do with hiring, and he left like 3 months before they called me. So unless he mentioned something to somebody and they sat on it for a while, he probably had nothing to do with it. But that's the only real connection I can think of.
It was kind of cool, somebody wanting me to "jump ship" and all. Faced with this choice, I had to sit down and review the pros and cons of each job, and ultimately I decided that the radio job was the better fit for me. I like all the people, I know what I'm doing, I have fun doing it, and it's a very flexable job. It's not an 8-5 type of thing, I can kinda come and go as I please. I don't have to be there at a certain time, I don't have to stay until a certain time. Very flexable, which suits me well. That would not have been the case at all with the newspaper, which has a much more rigid schedule. Especially when it comes to deadlines and whatnot.
When it came down to it, there were only 2 real reasons that I might consider taking the newspaper job. One was that I'd kinda be sticking it to the radio bosses, the people who wouldn't hire me at first and who aren't counting me as a full employee. But spite is a pretty stupid reason to do most anything... and, really, it would only be sticking it to them if they actually gave a crap that I was leaving. If I'd taken the newspaper job, I don't quite think that an emergency meeting would have been called among the board members.
The second reason was the benefits. Not only because I'm not getting any now, but because of how good the paper's benefits are. They're quite good. In fact, I kinda thought Charity would want me to take the that job because of it, since, while I'm worrying about how long my lunch hour will be, she usually has a better grasp of the big picture. Actually, that's not true... but it sounds better than saying she's selfish and she'd want me to take the job because, even if it sucks and I'm unhappy, she knows that getting health coverage would ruin my last "why we can't have a baby right now" excuse. Well, the last excuse as far as she knows.
Speaking of kids, though, I was talking with my one-legged hombre today and I realized that our kids, meaning mine and Charity's (not mine and his), won't be able to go to the same schools we did. Mainly this is because our elementary school is now an office building, and our junior high is being torn down to build apartments and a parking lot. Our high school is still there and is stronger than ever... but, living a half hour out of town and all, we're outside the district. There's a school closer to use that's like a K-12 deal, with every grade all in the same school. I'm not having any of that junk.
I think our kids should be able to go to our high school. It's not a problem for my buddy, as he still lives in town... although, by the time he actually has kids and they're old enough to go to high school, who the hell knows where he'll be. But I'm fairly sure Charity and I will still be here. Maybe the district doesn't mind as long as we don't expect them to provide bus transportation.
I think it'd be cool, our kids could be in the same halls we were in... the same classrooms... same teachers, maybe. They could see some of their dad's old football records on the wall, assuming any are still standing by then with the way steroid abuse is running rampant among our nation's youth. And they could hear all the stories about what a slut their mom was. It'd be good times.
That's not true, why do I say things like that? Why do I sully the good name of my own wife on the pages of this Lovely Purple Diary? I suppose it's because I like hearing that little yelp she makes when she reads it and comes across one of those lines. But that doesn't make it any better. I wish I knew what was wrong with me. Man, there was one line, once upon a time, that really freaked her freak. She made me swear I'd edit out. I didn't, though. Tee hee. In fact, if you can find that line, I'll give you the impressive sum of $1*. (*offer not valid in Kansas)
You know, there was something I wanted to talk about, but I think this has gone on long enough. I bid you adieu.
