2004-05-05 - 1:33 p.m.
CINCO DE MAYO
What IS Cinco de Mayo, anyway? I don't even know. Regardless, I believe I will celebrate this glorious holiday with lunch at Taco Hut. Mmmm. Burrito!
I haven't mentioned my butt relative and her butt business for a while. Here's the latest scoop. I got their $100 check for March last Friday, the very last day in April. Why did they wait so long to pay me? I don't know.
And I haven't heard from them about doing any work in going on two weeks now. I'm starting to think that they might not want to pay me anymore, but don't have the... how you say, ah yes... cohones to tell me. Or is it cahones? I don't know that either.
So it's been pretty warm lately. It's supposed to get up to 90 today. That's ridiculous. If there's one issue that has the potential to derail my impending nuptials, I could see it being the heat, and more specifically the air conditioning.
I like it cold. REAL cold, Jack. When I was younger, my parents had several of those jet engine type air conditioners to cool off the house in the summer. There were one or two downstairs and then one in each bedroom. I liked those air conditioners. Not every room in the house would be cool with that setup, but man, my room would be freezing at night. Just the way I like it.
Then around the time I was a freshman in high school, we got central air at my house. People were like "oooh central air, it's so great, you'll love it". Well, I didn't love it at all. Out went the giant, freezing air conditioners. And IN came month after month of my dad going "it's not hot!" and refusing to let the temperature in the house drop below 80.
In theory, I'm sure central air is a wonderful invention. You can cool off the entire house, not just the rooms where there's a big air conditioner in the window. But on account of my dad being so lame, all it meant for me was that the entire house was usually warm. Before, we'd have some rooms that were hot, but at least SOME were cold. Now there was nothing. NOTHING.
One day I dreamed of having my own place where I could turn up the central air whenever I wanted to. But it hasn't quite worked out like that. At all.
For a year there, I had it pretty good. When I lived in the other side of my current digs, my roommates all liked it cold, too. Plus, they were girls. So not only did I enjoy the temperature, but, not to be crude, the scenery wasn't too bad to look at either. By which I mean the nipples on the ends of their pert female breasts poked out a lot. Scandalmaty!
There's central air in my current place, as well as in our new home. But I can't keep it as cold as I would like. Nor will I be able to in the future. It's not that my sweetums is an irritating "it's not hot!" dork like my dad, it's that she's one of these "it's too cold!" type of wieners.
Listen to me now and believe me sometime later. It is much worse to be hot than it is to be cold. If you're cold, so what? Put on some socks. Put on some long pants. Put on a shirt with some sleeves. Drink some hot chocolate. Cover yourself with a blanket. Cuddle up next to another warm body. YOU HAVE OPTIONS.
But what if you're hot? You can take off some clothes. Then what? You could walk around naked, but if you're still hot, what do you do? Fan yourself with a magazine? As if.
90 degrees? That's awful. I have take a stand. I NEED that cold air. I will not go quietly into the night. I will not sweat without a fight! I'm going to live on! I'm going to survive! Today we celebrate our Cinco de Mayo day!
ARRIBA!
