2004-03-30 - 10:53 p.m.
RIP
Well, it's finally happened. The lime green bed sheet is no more. I hope you caught the double-dose of hilarity in my naming this update "RIP", which not only would suggest that something has passed on, but is also what happened to the sheet. It ripped! Oh man, that's good stuff. I'm honestly wiping away tears right now.
This is, of course, the bed sheet that covers the mattress that I'm referring to. Not the actual sheet that we lay under. At first the patched rip I explained previously spawned some more little rips, which kept growing. Eventually it got the point where our feet would get caught in the holes while we slept and we'd rip it even more. Charity wanted to replace the sheet weeks and months ago, but I refused to allow it.
My ultimate goal was to wear out the sheet until there was just a thin shred of material on the mattress between us, and then at some point she would get swallowed up into the giant sheet hole on her side of the bed. Then I'd come free her with some scissors or something. But we finally just put a new one on.
The new bed sheet is a weird light brown. It's so UGLY. Bleh. But the unusual combo of the light brown sheet and the lime green pillowcases and sheet-we-lay-under is oddly appealing.
I saw this test on RubyTrax's diary. And I took it! Here's what it said about me:
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Steady & mature. You are The Gentleman.
For anyone looking for an even-keeled, considerate lover, you're their man. You're sophisticated. You know what you want both in a relationship and outside of it. You have a substantial romantic side, and you're experienced enough sexually to handle yourself in that arena, too. Your future relationships will be long-lasting; you're classic "marrying material," a prize in the eyes of many.
It's possible that behind it all, you're a bit of a male slut. Your best friends know that in relationships you're fundamentally sex-driven. You're a safe, reliable guy, who does get laid. In a lot of ways, you're like a well-worn, comfortable pair of socks. Did you ever jack off into one of those? All the time.
Your ideal mate is NOT a nut-job. She is giving and loving, like you, but also experienced. Avoid the The Battleaxe at all f***ing costs.
CONSIDER: The Maid of Honor, someone just like you.
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Then I took it again and put in what I assume Charity would answer in order to see if she'd be get the Maid of Honor thing they said to consider. And she did! But if she takes it herself and it's different, I'll surely let you know what it said.
I gotta go.
